Unencunbered

Oh my goodness I have so much stuff! The responsibility of it all weighs me down to the point of squashing me. Sleepless nights trying to manage it all leave me overwhelmed and stressed.

In the last few years, I have had to amalgamate 3 houses into one, and much of that was after my husband died, so I have a double garage filled with things waiting for the public trustee to be finished with them and we sold our airbnb and now its ready to burst. Not to mention all the stuff 26 years of homeschooling amass and a working art studio and various other hobbies and interests- aghhhhh!  In my favour number 1 son and his lovely lady are getting their first house early in 2019 and I can so easily fully furnish it - lol - hopefully they can fit their stuff in too. 

I know I will feel so much better when it is all done but I need motivation, a goal and accountability to tackle this big a job. Art journal pages tend to be my to-do lists so I will quite probably do lots over the process simply to get my head around it all. 

My motivation is to be downsized enough in 2 years or so- when number 2 son is ready to move out,  to fit everything I need personally in my van. I am really ready to let go of houses and stuff and so need the freedom and lightness of van life. I will still have a house to be in at that stage and will continue to work but I will be unencumbered. 

Coming Out........ to Myself

Are you connected to your self?

Do you practice good self-care?
Do you know you?

These are ongoing struggles I have, and ones I am addressing now to finally get on top of them.
( Are you familiar with using self-talk in present tense so you hear that what you want to manifest or change  is more heard then the ' planning to '  or  ' going to '  part of the thought)

So this page in my summer journalling is all about getting real with myself, owning up to all of my strengths and weaknesses and tuning in to what I am thinking and feeling right now. Accepting who I am- all of me and being honest about what is making me uniquely me, also knowing that I am as are all of you- works in progress- I am  ( and you are ) worthy- of love, acceptance, respect, everything you need and desire - just as you are now.

Of course being works in progress we have a long way to go but we are fine just as we are.

I have had a bit of feedback about not showing the entire page in this summer journalling and that is because I am doing deep and personal work. I am happy to share a bit of the page and my thinking behind it but sometimes the words are for my journal only.

Goddess of Fire- Embracing Change

Oh, it's all about the energy of the sun for me right now-

the heat and flames of transformation!

So potent.

I am resetting my life and addressing every area I can think of, creating long-term plans and setting things out in a methodical way. It is time to shed and burn a whole lot of things that have held me back in my past. That chapter is over and I am so open to receiving the joy and health and freedom and love of my new life. 

This is another summer journalling page and I seem to be drawn to the same colours over and over again- the colours of the sun. Working with Goddess energy as well to burn off what I am shedding in my life and to clear space for all I am welcoming.

Get Unencumbered!

Plans this year are to get rid of stuff- tonnes of stuff!

I am working towards minimalism over the next 2 years. I have so much stuff cluttering up my life and I don't need much of it at all anymore.

Get Healthy!

I am continuing with a fabulous remedial therapist I have found to heal my body and seriously considering a health coach at some point this year. I am also doing a juice cleanse to kick the year off.

Get Balanced!

I feel I have been bouncing from super stressful situation to super stressful situation for over 10 years- no more- I am going to be calm and centred and grounded. I let go of everything I have no control over and I release control for those who need to step up and take their own.

Get Stable!

I have had a late diagnosis of BPD and it is a mixed blessing, it explains a lot and is a something I would rather not have. However, I am working through a DBT workbook and have such great support and understanding from my love and I am determined to change it all now.

Get Happy!

I am creating my first ever bucket list :) It is in my art journal of course and has things I will keep doing, things I need to re-establish and new things! This year I am going to join a choir and a dance class and have started a meditation practice. If you have any good suggestions for my bucket list please leave them in the comments.

Get Excited!

Well, I already am really. I am going to buy a new van soon and deck it out as a stealth camper, long-term goal is to live in it so it has to have all I need to be safe and healthy and happy. Short term goal is to take off on lots of adventures with my love and maybe my sons if they would like but it will only seat 2 people.

Get Free!

I am no longer going to carry the weight of the world or even of my loved ones on my shoulders- a lot of my plans here are geared towards freedom. After being at home with a homeschooled single parent family for 20 years it is now my time.  I am working in a wonderfully fulfilling job with a regular pay packet and saving for a future. I have plans and goals and purpose.

Sarracenia

Have you tried that technique where you dip some string into the paint, loop it around on your page, close the page and pull out the string?

It is quite fun and gives wildly varied results.

This page instantly reminded me of another much-loved hobby of mine and that is growing carnivorous plants. I don't really go in for the fly traps, I am not exactly sure why maybe they are a bit fiddly to grow, maybe they are not quite as attractive to my eye but I do love all of the pitcher plants- they are so dramatic, often having gorgeous colours and my very favourite is the Nepenthes  but the Sarracenia is a close second.

This is a photo from Tom's Carnivores

I love the variety in their beautiful forms, colours and patterns and I also love how playing in your art journal can uncover images just waiting for you to 'find' them. Working intuitively and without any desired outcome allows us to tap into our subconscious mind, that vast reservoir inside of us that is like an iceberg- so often we are only tapping into the tip that is above the waterline, it is all we can see and we are blinded by its brilliance. 

As I was 'finding' those pitcher plants that were really very obvious to my conscious mind/eye I was pondering the sticky situations we can get drawn into in life. How we can become stuck and lose touch with our self, lose self-knowing and lose touch with our real feelings. Too busy dealing with all the 'sticky' to be able to connect with self.

Art journalling to the rescue-  I began free writing ways I can get unstuck, thinking I could be like the little frogs who catch bugs right inside the pitcher plants and how I can take my life circumstance and use them to appreciate myself and my life more. How can I address some of those stuck patterns and change them?

Breathe

Do you meditate?

I really want to begin a meditation practice this year and that is the key word really - practice-  so far I am not really sure if I am doing it 'right' but I have a feeling it might be like art, in that you can not do it wrong, its just sometimes it turns out better than other times. 

I use an app for guided meditation it is called Insight Timer and is good, I must use it more but for now, I am focusing on my morning meditation - 5 to 15 minutes in the morning and I think if I am consistent and remember to practice every day I will start to gain the benefits.